Almost a year ago, I was hired as an EFL teacher in South Korea. I lived there for two semesters, before I took an early departure from the plan. I lost control of my health while I was there, and I stayed in my childhood home to recalibrate. Now, that I’m headed off on my own again, here are the things that helped me get back on my feet.
1. My Cat
Scherzo is my kitty-cat. He’s been with us fifteen years, and he’s still going strong. He’s a snuggle-bug that runs at about the temperature of a hot tub, so he’s my constant companion when I’m stationary. All the good health things that come from petting cats, it makes a difference when that cat is your baby. I have spent hundreds of hours petting that cat, so I’m the first to notice when something is wrong, whether it be physical or his behaviour.
He notices the same in me. This summer of healing has been no exception. Scherzo has been the Velcro-cat all summer, and I desperately needed him. He is comfort and warmth and family. He helped me realize my next steps had to be within the hometown I never thought I’d come back to.
2. Morning Walks with Dogs
It’s been much too hot for these since June, but we’re finally getting back to this Saturday morning routine. In the cooler months, my father and I would take the dogs for early morning walks in a local wooden park. It’s a great outing for two big dogs, and it gives humans time to talk.
In May and June, such talks were of particular value to a wounded daughter. I have missed them in the recent months, and while I am moving out into my own place soon, I do hope to rejoin these.
3. My Backyard
My parents’ backyard is a nature-lover’s dream. Even with the new neighborhoods behind us, it still quite private. Surrounded by nothing but bright green, leafy trees and flowers — it’s so relaxing and beautiful.
They say, living green things lower our cortisol (stress) and encourage serotonin (joy) production. So, if you’re having a rough time, find yourself some plants.
4. Family
Obviously, having my family there for me made a big difference. I was lucky enough to not only have parents that supported me, but those who looked out for me as well. When I was first having thoughts that I needed to leave, neither parent was immediately onboard. They pushed me to stick it out, that the bad times would pass, that we could work together to come up with ideas to manage the work better.
What it caused was for me to fully make up my mind about it rather than rely on my parents to dig me out of trouble. I’m a big girl now, not a little kid. And while the thought of going against their wishes only threw gasoline on my growing anxiety, I was forced to choose how I wanted to handle it entirely by myself.
And that was a great lesson.
5. Being Social
I knew from the beginning I would need my people around. It helped that my first day out of quarantine, my mother had a big party of church people coming over. It was quite the event, and every single person was both overjoyed and supportive of my surprise return.
It set me up well to avoid tunneling into the basement and never coming out. I don’t know what the word is for me: I receive energy from both being with people and being alone. Most of my time spent in South Korea–enabled by my late-night schedule–I kept tucked away in my room. I didn’t go out except to go to work or go to the Embassy. I only met with an outside friend twice, and I went to Ultimate Frisbee practice once in November before the temperatures dropped.
I knew I couldn’t squirrel away at home, so I went out of my way to drive around and see my friends who are scattered across the state. It mattered to have them around.
6. Travel
I cannot discount the travel itself, though. Savannah, Nashville, Ohio — all of these places pushed me out of my wish to close up my shell and not come out. If you missed it, Savannah and Nashville were job interviews made into miniature trips. I did find I love Savannah, and if I was in a different mindset, I would’ve moved there. I do really like Nashville, and it’d be nice to live so close to Ally again, but it’s much too expensive. Ohio was just a fun trip to see my grandmother and my all-time favourite American town. (Even the overnight in Orlando, although ultimately a waste-of-time, reminded me that I can travel by myself.)
Travel has been a part of my coding all my life. I’ve always loved the day-long road-trips to and from family’s house. I honestly have no qualms with the airport nor TSA. I prefer wandering around to tourist stops.
To come to a place after all that where I decline moving back to England because I need my people and I want security (and quite frankly, a break from visa laws) — that’s a big deal. And never something I would’ve done before Korea.
7. Camp
Camp was the biggest milestone of all the travel. For those who don’t know, what I lovingly call “Camp” is a creative writing summer camp for middle- and high-school students held at Wofford College every July. This is my seventh year of consecutive working, and it’s the happiest place on earth.
Obviously, I love it, or I wouldn’t go back every year.
I knew from the very start of summer that Camp would be a major milestone for me. That it would mark the return to normalcy. I was right, and I was wrong.
Camp was a milestone, on the physical and spiritual front. It gave me serotonin and a feeling like everything was okay again. But it also restarted my shut-down emotions. My second week when the exhaustion set in was particularly emotional. I started the ongoing rollercoaster of feeling clingy, nervous, uncertain, hurt, and wild.
It did the job I need it to do, even if it wasn’t what I’d expected.
8. PEMN
This blog and my corresponding YouTube channel, in particular, have done quite a lot of the work. I’ve been on-and-off this path years, but of all things, my trauma has been the thing that jumpstarted it. PEMN (and specifically, YouTube) gave me a medium that made me feel good, hopeful, and I found myself picking up my camera more and more. #Blogtober is only the newest example of that.
9. YouTubers
Michel Janse – A sweet 20-something in Austin, TX trying to get her life back in order after a divorce.
YouTube suggested Michel to me in early May after I got back from South Korea. I was still numb and mostly not okay, and I guess YouTube knew that. Because of Michel’s divorce, she had picked up and restarted her life in her hometown — a lot like me. She was having a hard time readjusting — a lot like me.
She’s very genuine and kind and overall, someone who’s just at her core good, and she didn’t deserve what happened to her. She talked about both the good AND the bad, and it helped me face my equivalents. I still religiously watch all her videos, and I’m so glad she’s moving forward. She’s been a nice friend to take the path with.
Michelle Reed – The Reset Vlog Queen from Dallas, TX with the cutest golden retriever named Dash.
Darling Desi – Aesthetic Heaven! If my videos could one day look like hers, that would be my life goal complete.✨
Honestly, if you just need an aesthetic pick-me-up, click any one of Desi’s videos. They’re just comfort in a bottle, and I will come back for every single one.
The Gem Goddess – The first Tarot channel I religiously follow. Her knowledge of tarot and astrology has been such a guiding light in this last year.
I started watching her around the turn of the year when I was feeling newly lost and betrayed. Not long after, I desperately started missing this astrological/witchy journey I’d abandoned out of anxiety in high school. The Gem Goddess is, first of all, so friendly and kind, and second of all, so knowledgeable about this softer world. It brought me great comfort in my darker days.
EsoTarot – Another lovely Tarot channel for the days between videos from The Gem Goddess.
Of very similar energy to The Gem Goddess, EsoTarot was also an early 2022 discovery. The way she describes things is like me, and it made it easy for me to really like her early on. She also does insanely deep readings all the time, and there’s just something nice about being surrounded with that energy for a couple hours.
Kino Tarot – A quirky Tarot and Astrology channel with some of the greatest decks.
Kino’s the newest channel I’ve added to my regular watchlist. She’s quirky and fun (and a singer, too!). Even if this is not your thing, some of her decks are so damn cute, you cannot look away. There’s nothing better than her panda deck.
10. Astrology & My Tarot Deck
My Tarot deck expressed its power during the second week of Camp when my emotions were all over the place. I found shuffling it–just shuffling it–over and over without cards popping out was exceedingly relaxing. Even if my brain was doing something else, the feeling of the cards sliding easily over one another in my hands had a calming effect. (Tell your deck what you’re doing and that you need it not to give you advice. You just want the comfort of shuffling. It’ll behave.)
