While visiting with my oldest friend this weekend, she said something profound:
“Don’t tell yourself no. Let someone else do that.”
It came during a conversation about her accomplishments going unrecognized at work. She works in the music industry, and while she’s being paid like a “glorified intern”, she regularly completes both engineering and management tasks.
She was upset with herself for not asking for a raise when she started on the engineering tasks.
As she should be. She deserves far more than what she’s paid.
My first experience with similar was at a part-time waitressing job. It was a small place and privately-owned, and I did love the job. But I had been hired as a waitress–and only a waitress–yet I would regularly be asked to do a bunch of other jobs (including structural upkeep, redesign, and delivery runs) without being paid for it.
Eventually, I quit that job without ever asking for a raise.
I tell these stories because I think we’re all guilty of this. We’re more likely to cut our losses than stand up for ourselves.
I don’t know if it’s male-vs.-female thing–I’ll let someone else make that argument–but I do know that both my male and female cousins do this. So, at least part of it has to be personality.
Which is great, because that means it’s something we can change.
Know Your Worth
Amy Porterfield gets credit for teaching me these first two sections with her Know your worth. Then add tax. quote on Instagram.
And while working for yourself is different, the concept still applies here.
Knowing your worth is the first step. If you don’t know what you deserve, how can you measure your worth?
For example, that first job you had as a teenager, during high school or maybe even middle… Back then, you probably didn’t count your pennies like you do now. Back then, it was money. Any money for any job was good enough.
Then you realized it was kind of hard work and decided the amount of money you were being paid really wasn’t enough to make up for what you lost (i.e. time, social interactions, or energy) in completing that job.
You probably went and found another job that would pay you better.
You’d work there for a little while, and then realize, you didn’t love it the way you used to and the money started to matter more than it had.
So on and so forth.
Now, you’re here, out of college with a shiny, new degree and you want something that resembles the first steps to a career. You’re willing to take an intern position. Even if it means you work for a while without payment, you want to learn the ropes and prove yourself.
Because once you succeed at your internship tasks, your boss will call you into his office and offer you this big promotion, yeah?
You work hard, and you make coworker friends, and you wait for your supervisor to notice your success, and you wait for your golden star from the big boss man.
The longer you wait, the less you like your job. The longer you do things you’re better than, the more the higher paycheck matters. Because if you’re going to be there everyday kind of hating yourself, you should at least be taking home a nice paycheck, right?
It’s a neverending cycle of waiting for someone to notice you. Waiting for someone else to tell you what you’re worth to them.
That’s no way to live.
I’m all for paying your dues–there’s a lot of us new grads with shiny degrees and you gotta stand out from the crowd. But you can’t wait for someone else.
Then, Add Tax
You know what you’re doing now, so tell your supervisor you’re ready for more responsibility. And assuming you’re right about your success at the job, YAY! You’re hired!
Now, you’re making an actual paycheck, and coming from a check of big, fat zeros, your energy is renewed. Your passion is restored. You can’t wait to get back to work.
Because, why? You feel like you’re getting what you deserve. You’ve earned this paycheck and it feels good to be appreciated.
Unfortunately, the cycle doesn’t stop. Eventually, the amount of work you do doesn’t feel so exciting. You might still love it (or you’ve always hated it, but it’s a paycheck). Either way, your worth is starting to feel tarnished and overlooked.
You might even feel taken advantage of.
It’s time to add your tax.
You’ve been working for a paycheck for a while now, and you’re doing an amazing job. But the workload keeps getting higher and higher. Your coworkers know they can count on you, so they share projects. Your supervisors know you’re great at your job, so they give you more and more tasks.
It’s not to be cruel. They see you succeeding and want to encourage you. They want the company to continue to be successful.
If you’re going to work that much more, you should probably ask for a raise.
Now, Enforce It
Here’s the thing about being great at your job.
People can count on you, so you end up with more and more and more projects. If you have the work ethic of my oldest friend, you’ve probably even picked up tasks of your own along the way. You know how to be efficient and you wield it.
If you’re important at your job, people notice. If you might as well be a puff of smoke, people don’t.
In either case, you’re left with a ridiculous workload that is drowning you.
But it’s also kind of your fault.
Not that you’re good at your job–we all want to be that–but that you never said anything about it.
If you’re great at your job and people notice, they tend to add you to other projects. If you’re great but people don’t notice, they have no idea what you’re striking from the to-do list.
If you’re overwhelmed at work, say something. Tell someone. Best scenario, to your supervisor. Otherwise, you’re just blowing smoke with a coworker.
If you have to enforce boundaries, enforce them with the right people.
If you don’t mind helping a coworker with a small project, there’s nothing to enforce. If you do mind, tell them. “I need to focus on my project first.”
If your supervisor is giving you too many projects all at once, tell them. “Thank you for offering me this opportunity, but I need to focus on my current projects. Perhaps, Sherri would be willing to take on another.”
Establishing boundaries does not make you a weak employee. Your supervisors and coworkers will respect you for knowing what you need and what you can accomplish well. I guarantee, your boss would rather you complete a few tasks well than too many poorly.
The key is actually speaking up. Ask for the raise. Tell someone you need to split responsibility. Demand what you’re worth.
The worst thing anyone will say to you is “No.”
So, don’t say it to yourself and not do anything about what’s making you struggle. The worst case requires you to finish your current workload as you’ve been going, and then reevaluate your life.
If it’s too much and no one is willing to honour your boundaries, quit. Find another job that will.
If they won’t pay you what you’re worth and what you deserve, quit. Find another job that will.
If you make your decision clear to your employer, in either case, sometimes they will take your previous request more seriously and work with you. Worst case there is, you have to follow through with finding something else.
But don’t convince yourself you know the answer before you even ask it. If there’s going to be a “no”, let it come from someone else.
